About Useless Drool

drool

–verb (used without object)

1. to water at the mouth, as in anticipation of food; salivate; drivel.
2. to show excessive pleasure or anticipation of pleasure.
3. to talk foolishly.

–noun

4. saliva running down from one’s mouth; drivel.

I started this site after a suggestion by my therapist to keep a personal diary. Why do I need a therapist? Well, I suffer from a variety of sleep disorders and associated symptoms.

Diagnosed so far are Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I am suspect that I also suffer from Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not stuck on a diagnosis, ADD may be a symptom, syndrome or a disorder doesn’t really matter to me. Either way, I have learned since childhood some coping skills for learning and working although my social skills suck. I come off rude, know it all, interrupt and altogether annoying without even trying.

With ADD sometimes the curse has benefits. ADD typically can coexist with forms of Hyper-attention. So, given the right environment I can hyper-focus on one task that I find great interest in with great results, much the same as an ADD child that normally can’t read a book for 15 minutes could read for hours if it were on a subject that interested them (usually a singular subject like jets or horses).

As a child in school I don’t recall being labeled as ADD, I’m not sure if that diagnosis existed back then, but I do remember getting in trouble for not paying attention and talking in class or talking too loud. I remember being pulled out of class in third of forth grade and being tested by someone. My mother later told me that they wanted to push me up a grade level, but she said no (I was already a runt I guess). Without the high school structure present I failed miserably in college. I tried 3 times to make it through a semester. I also tried a Bachelors program through a business college and only make it halfway. Not for many years did I have a job or relationship that lasted very long.

All this time it never crossed my mind that I may have a problem with paying attention. Hmmm… Blissfully unaware of other people talking when I decided that I wanted to say something. Desperately hanging onto what I wanted to say before the next idea popped into my head and pushed the current one out forever. Subconsciously hearing an idea that someone else said and 10 minutes later announcing it like I just thought of it! Any of this sound familiar? I know possibly everyone experiences these things once in a while, the difference is that someone with ADD does it ALL THE TIME and doesn’t know it or believe it if you told them.

SleepyWhen I was a bit younger and before being diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I would go to bed very late sleep a few hours and then wake up not being able to go back to sleep, get on the computer and program (work) a few hours and then try to sleep a few more hours usually during early morning light. Now it is a bit harder for me to do this or keep this up as I get older. The years of sleep deprevation and undiagnosed Sleep Apnea have really taken their toll. This pattern though as I look back really isn’t unique to my mid-20’s. As a child I would be sent to bed but unlike many children, I wouldn’t quickly fall asleep. I would lay awake for hours and then be nearly impossible to get out of the bed or wake up in the morning. I recall more than a few times having my mother strip the bed and drag me on the floor with the sheets to try to get me up in the morning.

Then, after a few sleep studies (polysomnograms) I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea and got a fancy APAP machine to make sure that I didn’t stop breathing during the night. That should fix it right? Well, not exactly. The sleep studies are done in two parts. The first determines if you have Sleep Apnea and the second is a titration study to determine what pressure to set the CPAP/APAP machine to. The interesting thing about both studies is that with or with out Sleep Apnea, I didn’t reach any levels of deep sleep during the night and had no REM sleep until just before daylight.

This and the above memories about my childhood lead me to believe that I may be a candidate for DSPS or Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome.

Right now it is nearly 4:00 in the morning and I am once again wide awake and cannot sleep. The sleeping medications don’t work and often just after a few hours seem to violently wake me up as if I had heard a loud noise or something. I will be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep this morning. With a major lack of sleep you can add your favorite list of other mental illnesses to the list; bi-polar disorder, chronic depression, anxiety disorder and even a bit of paranoid delusions to boot.